When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
