I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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