Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
