Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
