No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
