She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
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