his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
Randomize
