are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
