I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Randomize
