I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
I am in a vortex of obligation.
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Randomize