I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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