well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
