If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
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