I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
Randomize
