I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
