It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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