Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize
