My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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