Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
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