Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Randomize
