After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
We don't watch enough power rangers
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
