your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
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