Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Randomize
