look no pants
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
