so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
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