Kareoke will never be a sober sport
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
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