That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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