READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
