I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize
