I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
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