i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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