I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Randomize
