Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
