I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
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