I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
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