i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
