i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
Randomize
