when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
