Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
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