only if we run a train.
done.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
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