But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
