Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
