take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
