It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
