You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
Randomize
