Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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