If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
