And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
