Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Randomize
