I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Randomize
