i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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