Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
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