I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
