Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
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