Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
Floor bacon is actually really good
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Randomize
