I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
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