Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
