Jerry, you need to find god
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Randomize
