dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Randomize
