YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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