Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
