But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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