So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
