So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Randomize
