Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
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