so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
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