Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
