i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
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