I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
